I am a royal screw up. I don’t say this to put myself down. I’m simply stating a fact. For the most part, I’m okay with it. That doesn’t mean I don’t try to find ways to be a better me. I simply know that I am not going to correct all my flaws. I am going to do things the wrong way pretty much every day. I’m going to try, and miss the mark over and over and over again. Some days this will bother me more than others. Hopefully, I will take it all in stride more often than not.
Letting People Accept Me as I Am
If you are still reading, you perhaps are a royal screw up in your own right. Maybe not as bad as me. Maybe worse. Congratulations. Screwing up means you try. It means your efforts matter, even if they are not always successful. It means things do not come easy to you, and you get back on your ostrich and try again. (Yes, I suppose it might be easier to get a horse, but how would you know it’s me?)
Later today, people are supposed to be stopping by. An old me would be frantic, rushing to make everything perfect before their arrival even though it will only be a few minutes. I will make an effort to clean, but I am not going to drop everything so I can present myself differently than I am. There are neatniks in the world, but I am not one. I prefer some basic order, and I am trying to do better with that. It will come in small increments, and I am likely to drop the ball often. I will keep picking it up. I will remind myself that juggling is hard.
When I try sometimes others will appreciate the effort, and sometimes they won’t. They will look at their own values and priorities and they will decide what they would do to correct my behavior “if they were me.” The only problem is… they aren’t me. If they were they would be doing exactly what I’m doing. Chances are, they are dropping a ball somewhere in their lives as well and they will keep trying to pick it up time and time again. Maybe it is well hidden. Perhaps they are the only one that knows.
Slowing Down, Shifting Priorities and Making Progress
For the past few months I have done a good deal of writing on Medium.com as a way to earn a bit of money writing what I want to write. To read there without limitations, people need to spend $5 a month or $50 per year. These fees are distributed to writers. On my blog, I distribute “friend links” that provide access to my work. That means blog followers can read it, even if they aren’t paying members. There’s an option of not putting something behind the paywall as well, but most of the time I prefer to be paid.
I have not written new fiction in a while, but I have posted the first chapter of my novel, No Sensible People, on Medium, and over time I will post the other chapters as well. The first chapter installments will be behind the paywall. Other chapters will be unlisted, but links will be provided. My blog followers will have access to “friend links.”
The characters in my novel, like me, are royal screw-ups … in completely different ways than I am, mostly. I enjoyed getting to know them. I look forward to visiting them again. Perhaps you would too.
Here are the friend links for the first chapter– these include audio as well, and each will link to the next section as it becomes available.
Gretchen Lee Bourquin obtained a Bachelor’s Degree in Literature/Creative Writing in another life, and worked in disability care, customer service, and education administration — and as a single mom of two, now grown, kids- before delving into freelancing as a content writer. She’s enjoying the opportunity that Medium provides to get a little more personal and put the creativity back in her writing. Follow me on my Facebook Writing Page, Twitter, or WordPress